Syllablic Life, Transgressing Nature

After beating Bangladesh in a one sided second semi final match of Champions Trophy 2017, India is all set to humiliate the Pakistanis in the final match. While the Indian players were enjoying their day after beating their opponent, Pakistan was busy preparing for the finals. No! don't amuse yourself with the fact that they have been net practising or something else. They were actually busy ordering 'rotis' on Foodpanda and Swiggy's.  This was first noticed when Foodpanda reached out to us about the fact that humongous demand is being recorded from Pakistan for 'rotis' but without any vegetables or dal to accompany it. Foodpanda, explaining to us its ordeal informed us that they do not deliver outside the country but a few RSS memebers convinced them, that the delivery must be made in order for the Men in Blue to humiliate the Green Shits once again. The major concern that still remains is, how will the food scarced Pakistan send all of these 'rotis'

Amidst growing support for the pro-nationalistic theme in India, the Punjab C.M Capt. Amarinder has banned riding the Royal Enfield(RE) bikes a.k.a 'Bult' in the state. The decision came after Arnab Goswami exposed (continues to do so as I write this article) several of Congress's and it's allies' leaders on his allegedly jingoistic channel. The last time any indigenous automobile company faced such ban was when SC banned the diesel vehicles above 2000cc. There have been anticipations in the media that the move has been inspired to hide Mr. Shashi Tharoor, who has been on the run since the #SunandaMurderTape went viral. Apparently, by the looks of the medical records of the Congress leader it seems he is wary of loud sound. Exactly the reason he doesn't like Arnab Goswami and loves Dr. Manmohan Singh in the first place. Bult or Bullet as you may like to call it, is characterized by the deafening sound of its silencer (wondering how the word 'silencer'

After Arnab exposed 19 revealing audio tapes of the forgotten Sunanda Pushkar murder case, Congress leader and the main suspect, Mr. Shashi Tharoor took to Twitter to take a jab at Arnab. The tweet soon went viral due to the overqualified English he used to convey his disappointment to the mass. Half of the Indians ignored because English is too much to carry, the other half were at the Amazon and Flipkart apps to buy the latest edition of Oxford Dictionary. Well, Twitter had its laugh, so now I present a fictional statement of Mr. Shashi Tharoor on Triple Talaq. "The dinkum sporadic growth of Triple Talaq and it's murky ways to attenuate the milquetoast muslim women in India is a clue of woebegone efforts to enfeeble their women. These women have been incessantly hegemonized by the men of their theology. The history has been the corroboration of exoneration of these men from their fidelity. Every time they had to do something sagacious to edify themselves they hide in Shari

New Delhi :  In one of the most unprecedented incidents, Drishta, a girl from one of the most posh places of the national capital, Vasant Vihar, South Delhi has perplexed the whole nation by joining the 'Gaurakshak Dal' . A South Delhi girl barely drinks milk let alone saving cows. While this cow  brigade is receiving flak from the libtards for being disrespectful of their food habits, many are still joining the group (in a belief that one of the cows may turn out to be Kamdhenu). Although, the reason behind her admission into this group is still unknown, people think she has been manipulated into liking cows which is very unlikely of South Delhi girls. Before the news could go viral we managed to hook up a meeting with her. In our interview we found out the real reason for this bizzare decision. Drishta is an Economics Honours student in SRCC, Delhi University. She tells us, she was admitted into D.U after her father payed the down payment for the VC's Jaguar, last year.

गोरखपुर : हाल ही में उत्तर प्रदेश के नव निर्वाचित मुख्यमंत्री योगी आदित्यनाथ जी ने उत्तर प्रदेश के सरकारी विद्यालयों में अध्यापको की तस्वीर को दीवारो पर चस्पा करने का आदेश दिया। सरकार के बयान के अनुसार इस कदम के पीछे अध्यापको की परोक्ष उपस्तिथि(प्रॉक्सी) को कम करना का है। सरकार के हवाले से यह खभर मिली है कि अब उपस्तिथि पंजिका(अटेंडेंस रजिस्टर) के साथ साथ छात्रों से भी अध्यापको के चित्र दिखाकर पता करा जाएगा कि कोई अध्यापक विद्यालय आकर उन्हें पढ़ा रहें है या नहीं। इस कदम के तहत विद्यालयों में पढ़ाई और ज्ञान के गिरते स्तर को निशाना बनाया जाने की उम्मीद है। मुख्यमंत्री जी ने पदभार संभालने के कुछ दिन बाद ही पढ़ाई की गुणवत्ता को सुधारने की बात करी थी। देर शाम जब हमारे संवाददाता को यह खभर पता चली तो हमने इस खभर कि पुष्टि अथवा असली कारण पता करने की ठानी और गोरखनाथ मठ के लिए रवाना हो गए। अगले दिन वहाँ पहुंचने पर हमारी मंडली सुश्री वैजंती जी से मिलने गयी। वैजंती जी उस मठ की सबसे पुरानी गाय है। मंत्री जी अक्सर इनसे बात करते है और अपने निर्णय लेते है। हम सबने उन्हें चरणस्पर्श किया और अपने सवाल जवाब

Despite being an off season, U.P will be the transporter of Tomatoes across Indian territory this year. In the wake of supportive weather conditions, the state of Uttar Pradesh has managed to grow a bumper quantity of Tomatoes while the other states' Tomato cultivating farmers are bearing losses.  Also called the 'Green Gold' in the agricultural terminology, this red fruit is the key ingredient in Indian Politics. You may want to ask how! Well, Tomato derives it's importance into the Indian Politics due to its soft nature(Irony, how a soft thing is used in hardcore uses). It is a well known fact that this fruit has a thin outer layer and a sluggish interior. It's a matter of wrong guidance while holding it and a little pressure, before it blasts itself into smithereens like the suicide bombers of ISIS. There have been incidents when people have hurled Tomatoes at politicians as a mark of protest against their schemes, government system etc. In time, due to the sh

राजधानी दिल्ली में लोग छोटी छोटी बातों पर आपा खो रहे हैं। ताजा मामला उत्तर प्रदेश के नोएडा के सीमावर्ती इलाके दल्लूपुरा का है जहाँ एक दुकानदार ने अपने ग्राहक को मोमो की चटनी माँगने पर सूत दिया। जिस राज्य का मुख्यमंत्री खुद एक कुंठाग्रस्त अभियंता(फ्रस्ट्रेटेड इंजीनियर) हो वहाँ की जनता से और कुछ अपेक्षा भी नहीं करी जा सकती। इसमें गलती जनता की नहीं स्वयं मंत्री जी की है जो वो उन्हें एक सुखदायक जिंदगी नहीं दे पा रहे है। बीती शाम राजधानी दिल्ली में इस खभर ने इस तरह आग पकड़ी की स्वयं अरविंद केजरीवाल भी भौचक्के रह गए। उन्हें कुमार विश्वास नहीं हो रहा था कि कैसे बिना उनकी हरकत के कोई आग इतनी भयंकर फैल सकती है। दरअसल, मामला कुछ ऐसा था कि दल्लूपुरा में किराए के मकान में रहने वाले डोगु सिन्हा ने नौकरी से देर में छुट्टी मिलने के कारण रात का खाना बाहर किसी दुकान पर करने का विचार बनाया। इसके तहत उसने "पंडित बुड्ढे की दुकान" पर जाने का विचार बनाया जो कि  रात्रि १२ बजे तक खुली रहती है। वहाँ पहुँचने पर डोगु ने चार प्लेट मोमो मंगाए। मोमो आते ही डोगु ने उस पर ऐसे झपट्टा मारा जैसे कांग्रेस वाले

Tring...Tring (my alarm buzzed) The clock hit 10:45 am. I woke up from my deep sleep after hearing to the sounds of blaring loudspeakers (No! not the ones Sonu Sood mentioned to make Sonu Nigam go bald) "It is requested of all of you to gather at the community centre for the next Mann ki baat session" It made me think why should a guy be woken up early in the morning(11 A.M) to listen to the PM(who actually has something to talk about), such inconsideration of people's sentiments. Anyways, I shaked off my laziness, freshened up quick and bolted to the community centre. When I reached there I read a banner say, "Mr. PM will talk about legalisation of Marijuana today, kindly be present" I was jumpy after a disturbed sleep but anyhow managed to enter the hall where the program would go live. Finally, someone was talking about employment for the deranged poor people who can afford to sell 'Score' (not the one with a 'k', you pervs!). So, final

"WHY DID KATTAPPA KILL BAHUBALI?" This was a burning question in the year that went past us. Much more burning and invoking than 'The Newshour' by Arnab Goswami. I wonder why did Arnab not ask this question when he had the chance. Anyways, I suggest Mr. S.S Rajamouli should be awarded with Nobel Peace Prize for finally revealing why did Kattappa kill Bahubali. There were instances of lovers breaking up, peddlers getting killed, muslims joining ISIS, all because they couldn't find the key to the mystery. Some people believe that Salman Khan's 'Hit & Run' case of 2002 was the aftermath of this question. It is said that Salman went into the future to see Bahubali that day. He did love the film but was so overwhelmed by the Kattappa suspense that he ran his car over the pedestrians(So sorry! I meant the driver). Let's leave it be because he got acquitted at the end of the day, giving us another chance to watch his super logical films, which probab

A mass movement in favour of Jan Lokpal was launched in 2010 by Shri Anna Hazare ji. The movement gave a prominent leader to the society who was ready to fight the deep rooted corruption in our country. That leader was ARVIND KEJRIWAL, a bureaucrat who was willing to fight for the country's people. He had seen the system work but never knew how the system worked. Anyways, he jumped into this dirty ground to clean it from within (nice job until now, scoffs). In 2012 he launched his political carrer with AAP itself. The name was enough to connect the mass with the party. He was acknowledging a massive support now, not just from India but from foreign too. He was sworn in as the C.M of Delhi twice, once in 2013 and then in 2015, to stay, in the latter event. It's been 2 years since then, national & state politics had seen it's ups and downs but there was this one man who never missed the media headlines. Yes, he was his highness himself Shri Arvind ji. No matter what the

दिनांक :२६ अप्रैल २०१७ दिन : बुधवार प्रिय जिंदगी, आज इस दैनिकी में मैं, मेरे और तुम्हारे बीच हुई एक और अनबन का किस्सा बयां कर रहा हूँ। जैसे कि तुम्हे पता ही होगा कि आज से कुछ हफ्ते पहले दिल्ली के मुख्यमंत्री श्री अरविंद केजरीवाल जी ने उत्तर प्रदेश चुनाव में कांग्रेस-सपा गठबंधन की और गोआ में उनकी हार का सेहरा ई.वी.एम में हुए घोटाले के सिर पर मढ़ दिया था। उन्होंने इस तथाकथित घोटाले में भाजपा का हाथ होने का दावा किया था। तुम्हे तो पता ही है कि उस चुनावी मौसम के लिए ई.वी.एम तैयार करने का जिम्मा चुनाव आयोग के पास था, जैसे कि हमेशा से रहते आया है लेकिन ये चुनाव कुछ अलग थे क्योंकि इस में जनता के साथ धोखा हुआ था! अब तुम पूछोगी की कैसा धोखा! मैं बताता हूँ, थोड़ा सब्र तो करो प्रिये। हुआ कुछ इस प्रकार था कि जब चुनाव आयोग ने चुनाव की तिथि घोषित की, तब मुख्यधारा के मीडिया चैनलों ने अपने अपने हिसाब से आंकड़े जोड़ कर दिखाना शुरू कर दिया। इन सभी चैनलों ने चुनावी राज्यो में या तो कांग्रेस को या आम आदमी पार्टी को जीतता हुआ दिखाया। शायद ऐसे ही किसी चैनल को किसी भाजपा के नेता ने भी देख लिया था। सहमे हुए,

#LetsTalkAboutTrolls Recently Twitter saw this hashtag make it up to the top four trends. Thanks to Sonu Nigam controversy that this hashtag lost its value in the wake of people defending loudspeakers. I hope had the controversy not started, these ramshackled people who call themselves the victims of trolls would have seen the reality of their own existence. Anyways, the Sonu controversy met it’s fate just like any other controversy within two days and the game was done for after Sonu trolled the Maulvi and asked him to keep the fatwa money ready (Big LOL there). But, the controversy that never ends on Twitter is the existence of trolls, their activities, their popularity amongst politicians/celebrities and the growing fandom that they enjoy. According to www.dictionary.com the word Troll means – “To post inflammatory or inappropriate messages or comments (on the Internet, especially a message board) for the purpose of upsetting other users and provoking a response.” Now that t