La Tomatina in Indian Politics

Despite being an off season, U.P will be the transporter of Tomatoes across Indian territory this year. In the wake of supportive weather conditions, the state of Uttar Pradesh has managed to grow a bumper quantity of Tomatoes while the other states' Tomato cultivating farmers are bearing losses. 

Also called the 'Green Gold' in the agricultural terminology, this red fruit is the key ingredient in Indian Politics. You may want to ask how!

Well, Tomato derives it's importance into the Indian Politics due to its soft nature(Irony, how a soft thing is used in hardcore uses). It is a well known fact that this fruit has a thin outer layer and a sluggish interior. It's a matter of wrong guidance while holding it and a little pressure, before it blasts itself into smithereens like the suicide bombers of ISIS. There have been incidents when people have hurled Tomatoes at politicians as a mark of protest against their schemes, government system etc. In time, due to the shortage of Tomato production in India, people shifted to shoes.

As U.P managed to grow a grand scale production amidst good weather, the political parties started giving it a political shade. Few politicians released their statements to the press. 

- A secular minister from Punjab said, "This Tomato has a saffron tinge in it and not the authentic red so we won't be buying anything. We will smuggle from Pakistan."

- A Tamil minister showed his angst while saying, "BJP didn't support Jalikattu in time, we won't support their Tomato until it's too late. In your face."

- A West Bengal minister said, "We eat fish and rice, we don't need Tomato anyways. Joxx on you. Lulz."

While the opposition parties were busy saffronising the issue, the common man didn't fall far. Our reporter managed to have a short chat with Mr. Jahangir Ali, a Tomato farmer from U.P, while he was busy booking an order for La Tomatina. He told our reporter that his family was working with Tunde Kebab for decades, but he was not interested in selling meat so he joined the fields. 

Jahangir Ali further said, "Political parties will deny it but this production is due to Yogi Ji's rule in U.P. If you don't believe me then see for yourself. Never before has U.P seen this good a production. Chiefly.... Karnataka, W.B, Punjab, Bihar, U.P and Andhra are the major cultivators of Tomato. No other state has got such fruitful cultivation in this season. Also to notice, none of these states have B.J.P government....."

Our reporter interrupted Mr. Ali before he could incite pro saffron communalism amongst his fellow workers who help him in the fields. 

We have requested the World Peace Ambassador Mr. Asaduddin Owaisi to award our reporter with a "Best Diffuser" award in the communal hatred category during the 'Bik Gayi Hai Gormint presents The Kadi Ninda Awards.'

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