Mann ki baat : PM on Marijuana legalisation

Tring...Tring (my alarm buzzed)
The clock hit 10:45 am.
I woke up from my deep sleep after hearing to the sounds of blaring loudspeakers (No! not the ones Sonu Sood mentioned to make Sonu Nigam go bald)

"It is requested of all of you to gather at the community centre for the next Mann ki baat session"

It made me think why should a guy be woken up early in the morning(11 A.M) to listen to the PM(who actually has something to talk about), such inconsideration of people's sentiments. Anyways, I shaked off my laziness, freshened up quick and bolted to the community centre. When I reached there I read a banner say, "Mr. PM will talk about legalisation of Marijuana today, kindly be present"
I was jumpy after a disturbed sleep but anyhow managed to enter the hall where the program would go live. Finally, someone was talking about employment for the deranged poor people who can afford to sell 'Score' (not the one with a 'k', you pervs!).

So, finally it was time. The clock hit 11 A.M. Mr. PM entered the hall (Let me tell you in brief, Mr. PM a.k.a Pranav Mukund is the Chairman of our RWA society. He came from the U.S last year, so he likes his name short). So this was it! The moment of realisation. He held the mic firm and stood tall. 
"Guy-o beheno, aaj mai aap sab se mary-ho-aana(marijuana) ke baare mein baat karna chahta hu! Bataiye mujhe karni chahiye ya nahi chahiye!", he said (asking his wife Mary, in incognito mode, to go visit her parents on Labour's day).
"Haan! Bilkul! Jarur!", replied the heavy crowd, which our PM enjoys.
Then he started his speech on how Marijuana was legal in India until 1985 when U.N pressurized India to ban it (we used marijuana in ayurvedic medicines, still do). It is called the "PENICILLIN OF AYURVEDIC MEDICINES" (no doubt we invented the Kamasutra!). Later, U.S found it's medicinal uses and started using it for medicinal purposes. They started legalizing marijuana in nearly all of their states. This helped them to curb synthetic drugs as well as major decrease in crime rate was recorded. The health of drug abusers was improving. They were less depressed now. They upgraded themselves from 'drug abusers' to 'stoners' (No! Not the ones from Kashmir. Kashmiris just play kanche with the army. Peaceful game!)

He further went on to tell how Marijuana is helpful in bed (to get a good sleep and also with that what you were thinking of!) It can cure cancer. It can improve the G.D.P by giving employment to the poor people.

"Unemployment will be erased", he said.

People were hooting in his support (finally they found help for their bed problems) on his stance against unemployment. He promised people of establishing a 'Kaushal Vikas Kendra' where people will be taught on how to roll the perfect joints for a euphoric high.
"We will work hard to legalize this medicine once again in this great land of the Aryans."
First time in the history of our society, I had seen people cheering for a leader so loud. He was loved by the people. Then, something distracted me from his speech. A cognizant counter was being organized opposite to the hall for registration as agents to sell the marijuana and join the 'Kaushal Vikas Kendra'. I was taken a back by the crowd that was present there to register themselves and believe me nobody died standing in the queues (big thanks to the warm up during Demonetisation).

It was just after his speech ended that another member of society's elected people, the treasurer, Mr. AK (Anuj Kumar) came to reveal PM's true face to the people.
"He is an illegal marijuana kingpin. He got deported by the U.S authorities for selling marijuana in the states that haven't legalized it yet. He is fooling you people, he doesn't care about you. He just want to sell his remaining stuff to net off his loss. I am telling you, everybody is involved in this..."

Before he could finish his statement he got beaten up by the mass. Some threw ink on his face, some hurled shoes, some slapped his face so tight he still covers the face with the muffler to hide the hand imprint.

At the end of the incident I had only one thing to say : "जा को राखे साइयाँ, मार सके न कोई। किस्मत जिसकी फूटी है, पिट जाए वो ही।"